Throwbacks, that lead to an unexpected present:
A journey of self reflection and galactic self discovery
I ran across a folder of unpublished writings — enjoy!
I was raised human, so there are parts of me that don’t know any different. There are also parts of me that I am fully cognitive of that don’t resonate with the experience of being human at all — which too, are undeniable. All parts are learning to consciously navigate this playing field, together. Drawing from each other’s specialties, perspectives, gifts and expertise.
I did not manifest this life — I clearly signed up for it. It played out, as though it was happening through me, to me and for me and then I jumped in the driver’s seat and put a conscious torie-twist on it!
It was as though I was just along for a pre-encoded ride — then one evening I started receiving communication from HQ; being downloaded and updated on our origin stories.
“I don’t see myself as a teacher, simply a neutral mirror for others to perceive themselves through.”
The last seven years has completely metamorphosized this character, named Torie. I look back on ways of operating that my present day heart can not even fathom. There is zero judgment, just has there has never been.
The same badass force of nature; she just had a different belief system, a different maturity level, a different relationship with “all that is” — going at an entirely different pace. I love her very much, she is fucking wild!
“Becoming Empathic Gangster” written in 2023
Empathic: an empath with telepathic capacities
Gangster: hang out with me for a day
There’s no doubt, that I was born and bred for this exact path.
Everything I’ve experienced has been leading and lending to this divinely specific path; I’ve been cruising down, since day one.
Everything has felt like it’s been for a reason, for a purpose; defining an inevitable tool box. (It’s been a trip — good thing I’m into that kinda thing).
Nothing feels like a waste, a trap or a trick, but rather a straight forward neutral reflection of Self. A grandiose fine-tuning process; multidimensional truths and Cosmic gifts, systematically unlocking.
A natural born rebel with a laser focused eye for celebration and adventure. I love to dance, play and create… serve, move, organically inspire, socialize and design.
Growing up I wasn’t much of a talker, I mostly observed. In love with soul driven friendship, art, photography, music, entertainment, technology and nature. I hung out in my head for the most part.
In 2018, my life came to a complete head as I experienced an undeniable Spiritual (Kundalini) Awakening, followed by multiple smaller awakenings, downloads and upgrades (that have never truly stopped).
It’s more like an organic conversation now,
with pops of intentional receiving moments; which I’m loving.
When my awakening first occurred, it was swift, abrupt and clarifying; I became consciously, visually, viscerally and telepathically aware, it wasn’t long before I attuned to my new normal.
I dissolved lifetimes of narratives about reality — deleting inaccurate social programing; making room for new Galactic Truths to be installed.
I sat in a direct channel for about four years. I wasn’t able to work a physical job, because that was my job; to discover and innerstand what it entails to be human 360°; Cosmically, Ethereally, Celestially, Galactically and Holographically.
I began to observe myself in way I never had before. I began to see just how “differently” I have always operated; not only are my narratives and perspectives different, so is my approach; my filtration system in general, is just different — now, all of a sudden, so is my entire experience.
At first I thought it was just because of how I was raised, and who I was raised by — I know that is still a huge factor. However, once I started channeling, I realised that a massive part of my experience, and being different, has todo with who I am Galactically and my exact position and seat number within the experience. I see it now as though my reality was foundationally being ran by a specific encoded knowing.
At one point, I witnessed myself release from a (gator themed) track and drop out of harness. As if up until that point I had no control over what was happening through me; only how I responded to it. My initial thought in that moment was, “yay, now I get to go build whatever I want within the hologram!”
“I’ve always had this subtle confidence about myself, even as a kid. Sometimes it borderlined on cocky, as a teenager. I thought I got it from my dad, but knowing what I know now, it absolutely stems from someplace deeper. I’ve literally witnessed cheer squads in realities below me. I can feel and hear their energetic support.”
After my initial awakening experience, I really started listening to the narratives of the world. I noticed something incredibly interesting. That my life’s experience, just does not resonate with what others claim to be true about life.
This fascinates me, because even though I’m clearly interpreting life in a totally different way, I have never really felt that different, separate or even isolated — but I’ve been living in my own bubble, apparently.
Maybe, it’s because I love being alone — as much as I love spending moments with others? Maybe, it’s because I adore and respect how different we all are, and I feel like it’s none of my business how other people live their lives? I really don’t know. I just never noticed.
It just feels like such a true testament to how everything serves. Even social programming that was to inevitably be dissolved, had served as a bridge.
I learned young not to push, force or “try”, but to dance, flow, cruise and pivot. I execute on the inspired action I’m guided to take, and I leave the rest up to, “what’s meant to be, already is.” Allowing my encoded intuition to lead the way. There is definitely a part of me that lives in full surrender.
I truly believe that being a baller has served me off the court. I know when to go hard in the paint, when to take it to the hole, when to play defense and when to rest.
I’ve realized that my organic, “laid back, yet driven” state of being, has allowed my unique personality and charisma to shine.
I’ve always been an observer, simply witnessing, taking mental notes and then engaging when divine timing presents itself. Instinctually knowing when to hit the gas and when to let off, is something I don’t take for granted.
After years of deleting “not my” narratives, I could finally, clearly see that I’ve been living and executing my alchemist gifts the whole time, even unconsciously. Living a life that teetered between self love and self destruction, my vessel was transmuting it all, since the beginning (unknowingly facilitating the experience, just perfectly).
This experience is so flawlessly encoded and designed.
It’s like it’s encoded in our being to balance, alchemize and transmute the experience and “all that is”, simply and organically.
I know I say that we are filtration systems for The Universe to express herself through; because I’ve seen it, but to feel it and witness how I’ve lived it, is such a different experience.
All is taken care of, truly.
I don’t feel the need to be in control, but I know what do, when a situation presents itself, where it’s necessary.
The more I discover about how the experience works, the more excited I am. I get to show up and simply be myself. More complex situations only require me to consciously redirect the mind to view the experience (harmonically) ie through the lens of neutrality and Galactic Law.
I know my heart is always in the right place, so I just let The Universe do the rest.
“Integrating & adjusting to this new level of sensitivity & vulnerability” written approx. 2019-2020
As I’ve broken down my walls, I’ve had to re-adjust multiple times over.
The last few days have been intensely emotional as things have shifted and released, making room for this new higher frequency to exist.
Inaccurate belief bubbles bursting left and right, communication foundations really being solidified to guarantee for future success.
Last night I went out in public for the first time in a long time and it felt like a brand new experience, like I was integrating an entirely new version of myself with society.
This morning an extremely high vibrational energy came pouring in, I felt it dissolve negativity within my DNA. My whole physical body feels so different, now.
Super deep locked away emotions started bubbling; because I’ve never judged myself (living so fast and so high and at a time where that behavior was normalized). I realized that I never truly admitted to myself that some of the behavior was embarrassing and borderline “shameful”; once I did, I was able to free it, feel it, and release it.
I had some major realizations come forward about past relationships. I didn’t realize I had put such a thick wall around my heart. I mean I knew I had walls, and I have torn many down; I actually discovered THE ORIGINAL one. It explained so much about why I spent a majority of my youth manhandling vulnerability, playing out specific programming and numbing myself.
I just cried, I remember that day so clearly. I might have been sassy and bold before but that day my heart changed, I became rebellious, more manipulative and reckless. I stuffed my innocence in a box and stepped into a version that couldn’t be fucked with.
I also realized that I had convinced myself that I was someone that I wasn’t, I created an identity that gave me a valid reason to believe, that I was not worthy of loyalty. I really chose to see myself as a villain in my own narrative to keep myself from feeling vulnerable again.
I had fun with it all, but it wasn’t my heart’s truth and it caused me to be blinded, unable to see real love, it absolutely distorted my vision. I became a steam roller and a bulldozer, completely silencing my hearts perspective. I forgot I even had a heart at one point.
“The love of The Universe” written in 2020
All I ever wanted was for my people to feel seen, heard, loved and supported.
Not realizing that if I wasn’t providing that for myself, I wasn’t capable of doing it healthily for others.
Without that foundation within myself, my message was being filtered through inaccuracy.
“The experience of dancing with our shadow self, is different for everyone. I personally love that crazy bitch, she took center stage for a hot minute. She continued to blow up our reputation, so she had to take a back seat; but I love her and appreciate every reflection and life lesson she got us into.“
As we navigate our ascension, we go through quite a few overlapping/oscillating phases. A consistent flow and process of surrendering, learning, dissolving, shedding, taking accountability, growing, releasing, re-writing, expanding, pivoting; we then shift into the state of being and knowing.
Basically the process of becoming a butterfly lol.
Being, is where we no longer have a need to prove ourselves. We know who we are because we have an intimate and transparent relationship with the experience and our Divine Self. We see ourselves through the eyes of The Universe; loving ourselves unconditionally, just as we would our own babies.
EMPATHiC GANGSTER 