I absolutely love this conversation! Nothing pre-rehearsed, no scripts, no strategies, no agenda, no pitches. Just genuine getting to know one another, pure curiosity, lots of laughs, tons of storytelling and the illumination of potential future rabbit holes.
This conversation with Liz and Jen was so fun and so swift, afterwards I thought to myself, “I hope I finished my thoughts and sentences out loud”. Lol
We definitely jumped around, just like a normal everyday chat with your besties. There was so much I didn’t even get to explain or go in depth with. Which is exciting, there’s so much more to share in future conversations!
“I know people received answers but I really hope
they came away with more questions than answers;
because a curiosity about life, is what makes it so exciting. ”
– Torie
I wanted to take the opportunity to dive a little deeper on some of the topics we talked about, just to provide a little more back story.
Navigating without fear
I mentioned that growing up in the household that I did, and having a dad who operated from a certain level of confidence and competence really affects how I navigate this world. My dad taught me and trained me from a very young age to be a self reliant, independent thinker, someone who is confident in their abilities to be behind the wheel, and have the capacity to navigate any waters. He did that intentionally through how he taught, how he trusted and how he believed in my abilities. He also did this organically by simply being himself and living by example.
When I was a kid (somewhere between the age of 6 and 7) we went on a family camping trip to the river. There were a couple of different families that joined. My dad had been teaching me how to drive and operate a dingy (a small rubber raft with an outboard motor). He wanted me to get the hang of steering and navigating it without his assistance. He put me in the dingy and pushed me into the center of the current. I was practicing steering, getting the hang of how to turn and control the prop in order to go in the direction I wanted, when the motor shut off. I pulled the pull-start just like he showed me, to get the motor going again but it wouldn’t start. I pulled it to the point where I was about to flood the engine. One of the other dad’s started laying into my dad, yelling at him about how dangerous and irresponsible this was, but my dad is confident in his abilities as a coach and my abilities as a student. He stayed cool, calm and collected and guided me through the process. I got the motor running and drove back to shore.
My dad always taught me that cooler heads prevail. Having a meltdown, freaking out, getting scared, doesn’t help you make decisions more efficiently, it doesn’t help you navigate better and it doesn’t allow you to access your intuition on command. Stay cool, calm and collected — you know what to do.
My dad made it a point to teach me how things work; cars, boats, trailers, plumbing, electricity, fitness, stocks, bonds, banking, organization, business, sports, music…
At one point he renovated and fully landscaped our childhood home and he showed me how everything was put together, in the process. He always took the time to go in detail about operations; how to build, how to clean, how to maintain. I watched him take care of that property like it was his job. A building inspector for schools and hospitals, he walked our property daily, insuring everything was up to code and standard.
Once, I became efficient in the restaurant and hospitality industry I consciously realized how being taught in certain ways of operating can be applied to how we run our own lives (even though I had witnessed my dad do it my entire life). Everything has a home, a system, and a proper way of care to ensure health and longevity. I began running my home the way I run a restaurant; everything gets put away at the end of the day, to start fresh and for success, the next day.
Walking away from sports…
At one point I was playing for multiple basketball teams (in high school), I played different roles on each one. On one I was the rookie, on the other the Team Captain. I was discovering how to move and navigate; teamwork, my body, puberty and the world.
One game, I was on defense; as the girl came down the court with the ball on offense, I BLACKED OUT. Goans and the sound of shock and ahhh, filled my ears. As I came too, the first thing I saw was my dad’s face in his hands. I had taken the girl down by the neck and thrown her to the floor. As I took my seat on the bench for the rest of the game I realized that there was a level of savagery inside me that I did not yet, have the maturity or self mastery for. That was the last season I played on an organized team.
Today, I still love playing basketball, but I play just for funsies now.
My relationship with the cops
I wish I could have elaborated on this more. Because my relationship with the human experience is a bit different and because I don’t operate by their proticale, I can get frustrated by their processes, labels and boxes. I also don’t see hierarchy or play into any type of “authority” titles.
Thankfully, I live where I live and I have had amazing interactions with our local police force; they are quite personable, friendly and helpful. Being a bartender the last few decades, we definitely depend on them to back us up, on occasion.
The social narrative around “Cops” is all over the place. I grew up with family friends that were in law enforcement, I feel like that really dissolved anytype of imaginary “enemy” lines. I do appreciate their role and contribution to this experience, even if we don’t always see eye to eye or speak the same language.
I want to say thank you so much to Liz and Jen for having me, I can’t wait to do it again!
EMPATHiC GANGSTER 