Shifting PAIN into POWER

Between drug overdoses & suicide…

BETWEEN DRUG OVERDOSES AND SUICIDES my husband and I have lost upwards of ten friends in just the past three years… This is partially why I’m so passionate about helping people heal their shit. The other part is that both my husband and myself, almost were them.

There is a quote “To struggle well is to build strength, we do not grow without struggle” and I’m going to be honest when I first heard this quote it made me feel proud of my past struggle.

The truth is, to struggle is a choice and I personally choose not to struggle any longer. There is nothing beautiful or divine about struggling. I’m not going to romanticize something that causes internal resistance, when I can choose any reality that I want. I choose a life and a path of grace, flow and effortless ease. A path that is entrenched in love, passion and compassion.

spidermanPhoto By: @frazettagirls

This is one of the most powerful images I have ever seen. This absolutely encapsulates the exact moment you conquer your fear and embrace the integration of darkness and light, when you truly take back your power.

The spider is the most exquisite create that exists, the spirit animal that leads you to love, to yourself and to the infinite galaxy that is abundance. Conquer your fear, stand within it’s divine being, accept its beauty and power and experience your Kundalini explode!!!

At one point I was looking back on my life, I felt like a complete asshole for being so ungrateful. But we live and we learn.

Growing up I struggled so unnecessarily. I really did have so much fun and freedom, I literally came and went as I pleased. In hindsight, I “struggled” as a way to receive attention from my parents. My mom even used to say “she’s acting out… bad attention is attention”. However she always put this on my dad, never really taking accountability for the fact that it was a team effort to love and support their child. An epigenetics imprint I had to reprogram, as it was affecting my ability to come together as a team, in my own marriage.

The moment I realized I shouldn’t be here was the moment my world opened up. It logically made no sense that I was still alive. I realized that I had been so divinely protected, not to mention presented with the best most amazing people and friends anyone could ever ask for, but I couldn’t see it that at the time. I chose to see lack in my parents love, rather than all of the beauty that existed in my world.

I recently had a soul cracking experience with a group of girls. I’ve never experienced a perfect storm like this before, it was almost like having an out of body experience, because the programming was working so aggressively through me. I would walk out of work and I couldn’t even explain my own behavior. I soon discovered that my Empathic gifts were deeper and more powerful than I had initially thought.

I quickly discovered that I was a Heyoka Empath, also known as the fool or the joker. This archetype of empath reflects the programming and behavior back at the person in order to show them their foolish ways. It’s extremely triggering and when the Heyoka is unaware that this is happening it can quickly affect them, believing that the experience that’s happening is actually about them, which is what was happening in this scenario.

I have sense released the Heyoka archetype from my being because it was no longer serving me or reflecting the experience in which I desire to have in this lifetime. I have nothing to prove and it does not bring me joy to experience this dynamic, so I said “hasta la bye bye”.

Looking back on my adolescence, most of my angst and “self destruction” was really just a cry and desire for connection. I was actually literally starving for it.

I learned how to played the victim, chose to suffer, yet I bad a blast and had the most amazing people in my life. As humans we desire connection but if we don’t think we deserve it and don’t allow others to support us, then that’s when “DISTRACTIONS” find their opening.

Remember our friends are our chosen family, WE GET TO lean on them. So lean on them. I still call my best friends like I’m in middle school. It’s so important to get it all out of your head and off of your heart. I will say if you are calling to vent, calling because you need a sounding board, communicate that. Often our friends think we want answers, solutions, advice… when really we just need to hear ourselves out load and get it out of our body.

It is so freeing to let someone who loves the most ridiculously amazing version of us, catch us! If there is anything that I’ve learned, suffering in silence will kill your spirit from the inside out.

If you don’t feel like you have a friends that you can be your goofy self around, then it’s definitely time for some new one’s. I’m always here too, I got you babe. :]

XO
Torie

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