We often mistake misdirection for self sabotage… our soul knows what it wants but often our minds have yet to catch up. We know that everything we experience here serves a purpose, it’s just a matter of slowing down long enough to see how we could pivot from self judgement. A matter of opening up wide enough to hear what our higher self is conveying, to hear the shifts our mind desires so that we can align our heart and soul with it.
Photo By: Android Jones
When we are energetically tapped into fear our mind finds a narrative that supports that fear, judgemental and negative thoughts form versus self empowering and reassuring ones, like when we are tapped into love.
We are either tapped into fear or love, we can be tapped into both at the same time.
At a point in my journey I became unexpectedly unemployed, intuitively my soul knew that this was happening for me and realistically I had manifested this abrupt transition in my path. This was the first time in my life that I had time to slow down and focus on myself. I had absolutely no idea where to start or what I was doing, all I knew is that I was excited to learn about this new thing I had just discovered about myself… apparently I was an Empath!
The Universe pretty much took the lead from there. Growing up my mom used to tell me that I was a self sabotager but I really didn’t see myself that way, unless I was experiencing a depressive state ie tapped into fear.
In the first few days of my new path I had a phone interview with a coach.
I started to tell him my story and all of a sudden he stops me and says,
“can I ask you an real question?”
Me: “of course, that’s why I’m here, to be real… what is it?!”
“So how long have you been playing the victim?!”
This question hit me like a ton of bricks… it literally shocked my system.
I had never consciously thought that this was something that I was doing.
“since I was 12” just popped out of my mouth.
First of all, “I am not a victim” and I knew this with every fiber of my being,
so to get hit with the reality that I had been playing one for most of my life,
was an awareness that unlocked a whole new dimension to remembering of who I am.
What this awareness of “playing the victim” did, was allow me to decare to The Universe that this was not my truth and therefore we are now on the same page to dissolve all limiting beliefs and behaviors that have been supporting this subconscious programming.
When we consciously declare our truth, everything begins to shift!
Even though this time and space was the most I had ever slowed down, I still had the hustle patterns deeply imprinted within me and I was still filling my day in quite a distracting way. I distinctly remember the first time that I truly slowed down long enough to hear my higher self, and this is what she said…
“I am worthy”
When we don’t truly believe, on a foundational level, that we are worthy of love, success, happiness… Some may say, “we sabotage it” but not in the way most would think. It’s an energetic block, a resistance of flow that hinders us from receiving this abundance. Basically our hearts are like clenched fists ready to defend and block, rather than open to accepting and receiving.
Around the same time I heard this message from my higher self I came across a survey, this survey promised to reveal my deepest and truest limiting belief, I was super curious and wanting to understand what was still holding me back.
“WORTHINESS” flashed across my screen. I was not expecting that… at all. I thought I was pretty confident, thought I believed in myself.
Then the creator of the survey, came on the screen, she asked, “would you like to know some of the situations that happened to you as a child, that lead to this limiting belief?”
We always what to go deeper, understand better, have deeper clarity.
Creator: “Did you have a sibling who received more praise than you but you felt that you were just as good or just as deserving of that praise, but didn’t receive it?
Me: “UM YES!”
subconscious message received: being told your efforts aren’t good enough
Creator: “Were you reprimanded or told to behave yourself or there would be consciences?”
subconscious message received: being yourself or expressing yourself is punishment worthy
Creator: “These are situations that have lead to limiting beliefs of not being worthy enough.”
We develop most if not all of our subconscious limiting beliefs, before the age of 7.
Having awareness of these situations, allowed me to consciously declare that these situations “no longer held me or my self worth captive” and it was liberating!
It’s important to note that we have multiple layers, timelines and lifetimes that exist within us and because of that the same “lessons” are revealed and healed over multiple experiences and time frames.
Embrace that healing is a multidimensional process, have patience with yourself and a deep love for your journey. It took lifetimes for us to form this version of ourselves… be kind to yourself.
Remembering who we are is a large part of the healing experience. Self observation and self awareness are pivotal in transcending from “I remember who I am” to “I know who I am”
When we know who we are, how we feel about everything and our actions align with our core values, everything flows like water, like air, like money.
I personally believe that the process of developing self awareness is by far the most important process that we experience during our transformation. It’s especially important as an Empath, we all possess unique psychic gifts, and knowing what our energy entails, what it feels like completely by itself, without anyone else’s influence is imperative.
As you begin to discover how beautifully unique you are, how incredibly worthy you are, you’ll begin to realize that you weren’t a self sabotager, you we simply distracted from your self. Forgive yourself for not knowing any better, we’ve all been there my love.